The Truth

If someone could have told me, when I was nine (or 12 or 17 or even 25) 

that someday I would be living on a ranch with 30+ houses, 

I would have been happy forever. 

I would have known that dreams really can come true. 

I would have stopped asking Santa for a pony. 

"No, I'm good, don't worry about me!" I'd say.

I am lucky. This place is amazing. What a blessing. What a dream. 

But I'm that one team player who never gets off the bench. 

The one who dreamed all their life of making it to the big leagues but is still not in the game.

Instead, I stand on the deck and take pictures. 

What happened? I'm the mama. The Ranch Mama. I have little ones. 

Perhaps I'm doing it all wrong, but right now, I can't run out to muck stalls because I'm mucking something else. Namely the diaper pail and the dirty dishes.

The truth is, I don't know the first thing about horses. Yes I've ridden, about once a year all my life. That stat is still true. This is our second summer here, and so far I've only ridden twice, once last summer and once this summer. Both times was when either my parents or Adventure Man's parents were here to watch the kids. This breaks my heart. I wish I could just go saddle up and go, but the thing is, I don't know how. I don't know how to put the harness on, let alone a bridle. And forget about the saddle! It's never been done! Not by me anyway!

But while I am here with the toddler and the preschooler, 

my older girls are doing something about my dream. 

They are learning. 

They are riding. 

They are getting the chance of a lifetime. 

They know how to harness and saddle and mount and dismount. 

They are learning all the things I've always dreamed of.

There is a moment in every mother's life when she has to step back and let her daughter, or in my case, daughters take the spotlight. Right now it is they who are coming to be the horse women.

 The cowgirls. The wranglers. 

And as much as I still dream of that for myself, 

I would never forgive myself if they didn't get the chance.

Who knows, someday they can teach me all the things I've dreamed of. Because these little ones won't be small for ever. And the way my little Bunny toddles after all the horses (and makes us all have to watch her like a hawk!)

 I'm sure we have another cowgirl in the making!

Yeah I'm a mama. But that too has always been a dream of mine. Sometimes we don't get to choose what dream we live. I'll take each chance when it comes. And I'm pretty happy with where this one's taking me. And where it's taking them.

The good news it that my parents are coming today and I'm quite sure that I will get another ride in with my nephew who will be with them. So next week you'll get to hear about it. 

And this blog may be a little less busy while I'm having fun!