A Lasting Impression on My Girls or My Waistline?

This is not a diet blog. But I do remember when I was a kid….

When I was a kid my parents would sometimes get on a diet kick. They were into health and fitness and would try new fad diets now and then. Like the fruit diet. Nothing but fruit before noon!

It is through my parents trying to start healthy habits that taught me to make healthy habits and I am hoping that these will be passed down to my own kids. So far it seems to be working. Somewhat. My kids will eat salads, brown and wild rice and it's really not very often that they get white bread. Although they do love it.

I have followed in my parents footsteps and have read a fad diet book or two. In fact, I tend to enjoy health books more than a good novel. And I love a good novel! But I wonder what impression this is making on my own girls. I have seen the ugly part of diet and food obsessions first hand through roommates and friends. I myself have never had a poor self image. Until now.

After each pregnancy I have worked really hard to get my body back in shape and to my post pregnancy size. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) long before we started having kids and I knew from the start that diet and exercise was critical to my bodies ability to fight for itself, against it's self.

Spring 2010

But after the third child, I went bonkers to get in shape for our 15th anniversary trip to the Caribbean. I wanted to be able to wear a bikini. Which I did. And I looked great (for having 3 kids).

Now, this was 2 years after I had given birth to Bear. I worked hard for 2 years to get where I was. But I can't stop hating myself now, a year and a half after having the fourth kid, for not being bikini ready. Even though I am not giving myself the same time frame as before. Nor am I working as hard… if at all! It's harder to give myself the time to workout with the number of kids around here.

This has made me worry, after all, I have never been so hard on myself. But I also worry for my girls. I remember my parent's fitness and diet efforts. They still work hard in their 70's to be in shape, fit and healthy. So how much of this self loathing are my two Tweens picking up? And what affect is it having on them? My parents weren't about the skinny. It's always about health. As it really is to me too. So why am I being so hard on myself?

Adventure Man and I have always been very careful. We love to workout but have only referred to a diet as "A Program" and it has always been for the sake of being healthy. Not to be skinny. Although that result is nice!

Now I have a new program. I have been looking into the concept that my food can affect the reaction my body has to the MS. This concept makes perfect since and I can feel the results almost immediately. But the changes this program suggests are more lifestyle changing than I have ever dealt with and that has brought on a whole new rang of emotions.

The Veggie Diet. No Gluten, no dairy, no eggs. Oh My!

This morning I was morning the loss of the egg. Something I have always had each morning. Is it really a trigger? Well, for now I am eliminating all so I can reintroduce and test. We shall see.

And right now. I'm not even hungry. So I'm going to quite complaining, and remember how blessed I am to be healthy. Even if I am still a few sizes away from my goal.

My kids don't care what I look like in my skinny jeans.

No, this is not a diet blog, or even a fitness blog. But this is something that is going on. And it's changing everything. SO I guess I can't really help it if I talk about it.