7/26/12

The Truth

If someone could have told me, when I was nine (or 12 or 17 or even 25) 
that someday I would be living on a ranch with 30+ houses, 
I would have been happy forever. 
I would have known that dreams really can come true. 
I would have stopped asking Santa for a pony. 
"No, I'm good, don't worry about me!" I'd say.

I am lucky. This place is amazing. What a blessing. What a dream. 
But I'm that one team player who never gets off the bench. 
The one who dreamed all their life of making it to the big leagues but is still not in the game.
Instead, I stand on the deck and take pictures. 
What happened? I'm the mama. The Ranch Mama. I have little ones. 
Perhaps I'm doing it all wrong, but right now, I can't run out to muck stalls because I'm mucking something else. Namely the diaper pail and the dirty dishes.

The truth is, I don't know the first thing about horses. Yes I've ridden, about once a year all my life. That stat is still true. This is our second summer here, and so far I've only ridden twice, once last summer and once this summer. Both times was when either my parents or Adventure Man's parents were here to watch the kids. This breaks my heart. I wish I could just go saddle up and go, but the thing is, I don't know how. I don't know how to put the harness on, let alone a bridle. And forget about the saddle! It's never been done! Not by me anyway!

But while I am here with the toddler and the preschooler, 
my older girls are doing something about my dream. 
They are learning. 
They are riding. 
They are getting the chance of a lifetime. 
They know how to harness and saddle and mount and dismount. 
They are learning all the things I've always dreamed of.
There is a moment in every mother's life when she has to step back and let her daughter, or in my case, daughters take the spotlight. Right now it is they who are coming to be the horse women.
 The cowgirls. The wranglers. 
And as much as I still dream of that for myself, 
I would never forgive myself if they didn't get the chance.

Who knows, someday they can teach me all the things I've dreamed of. Because these little ones won't be small for ever. And the way my little Bunny toddles after all the horses (and makes us all have to watch her like a hawk!)
 I'm sure we have another cowgirl in the making!

Yeah I'm a mama. But that too has always been a dream of mine. Sometimes we don't get to choose what dream we live. I'll take each chance when it comes. And I'm pretty happy with where this one's taking me. And where it's taking them.

The good news it that my parents are coming today and I'm quite sure that I will get another ride in with my nephew who will be with them. So next week you'll get to hear about it. 
And this blog may be a little less busy while I'm having fun! 

17 comments:

  1. Have fun on your ride!

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  2. I've ridden my whole life, and have 2 quarterhorses, but I ride about once a year since I've had my boys. Hopefully when they're older I'll get on more. So I get where you're coming from!

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  3. Oh you are such a great Mom putting your dream on hold so your girls can live theirs. I truly admire that.
    I have no ridden in years and my daughters are grown now and are off living their dreams in the city but the farm is always tucked in there souls nice and snug to be pulled out when they need it. They always come home. I stayed at home and put them first and I am so happy they are happy and productive in this world we live.
    Have fun with your family Mom.
    B

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  4. I'm there. Well, I was- my girls are getting older now. Look at it this way- without you, they couldn't do the things they do. We live on a farm. We have four daughters who we home-school. All four can ride(to different levels, but one is a real cowgirl. I have been riding since I was three, but mt backside hasn't seen a saddle in years. Being a mommy is a lot of work and riding just didn't hit my list of priorities. There'll still be horse when I have more time.

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    1. I love that! There will always be horses. Thank you!

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  5. I have only ridden a horse a handful of times - but really loved it. One day I'm sure you will get your chance and even better your daughters can teach you. One of the joys of being a mum is putting your kids first. You are a good mum :)

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  6. Thanks for all the kind words. Sometimes I do feel sorry for myself, but not too much. :-)

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  7. This was beautifully put. Heartbreaking, but inspiring. You are a great mama to step aside for your daughters. The pictures are amazing and I love the painted horse. But my fave is the little one looking out the window. She want to be out there, doesn't she? Have a great visit and enjoy your time to ride. I look forward to reading about it

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  8. A beautiful post about sacrifice and growth. That last photo needs to be printed somewhere! xo

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  9. i love your views. so cute. i wonder what the horse thinks of being painted? funny!! (:

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    1. That ones a good ol' boy. We do that with our kids camp and we used different horses so they can all get made fun of. We have a few who we don't paint though. Like the lead mare. She was not happy about that one!

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  10. Beautiful post...
    I found you thru the TGIF hop, and am definitely a new follower!
    ~Tina

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    1. Thanks Tina! And Welcome! I've been so busy, I haven't had time to read or respond to anyone. But I'm heading over to check out your blog now!

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  11. Another thumbs up commentary that tugs at the heartstrings. You have my admiration. What sweet memories your words and photos will recall for the children today, tomorrow and in the future when they have little ones of their own.

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    1. Thanks, Mom! And thanks for being my #1 fan! xo

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Thanks, Y'all for sharing your thoughts! I'm love'n hear'n from ya!