There isn't any snow at my house. Yet. It won't be long. The aspens in the grove by the house haven't even changed yet! Well, they are starting. They're that lime green that is the precursor to fall. The trees along the road by the river have been yellow for weeks though.
It was May 15, 2013. This is the first time I've been able to write about it. I've thought a lot about it. I've told people about it. But for some reason, I needed time before I could share it here on the blog.
I watched my husband leave for the school bus with the children in tow. As he left the yard he bent and said one last good bye to our old dog, Baka. He snapped this picture.
I loaded up the two little kids and got them in their car seats then loaded Baka in the front seat next to me.
The seizers had started coming so fast that he didn't have time to recover. He was unaware of where he was or who we were. He had paced the small fenced area for three days without rest. Each time he did try and go to sleep he would have another seizer and the cycle would start all over again. It was time.
He paniced in the car. He usually loves the car. He was eager to meet the "new" people at the vet. He usually panics in the vet.
We buried him under a tree in the back yard. I planted bleeding hearts over him.
He was 14 years old.
I didn't realize how much of my daily life was spent making sure Baka was ok. Anyone who has delt with epilepsy knows. It was harder to not have him there than I thought. I wanted another dog.
It was in July that I learned that a neighbor had puppies. Golden retrievers. Exactly what we wanted. We had looked and looked in the local shelters all over Montana. But the shelters around here have fewer dogs than we expected. We knew we wanted breed that would be great with strangers. This is a guest ranch after all.
Jessy came home just a week later. The last week in July. A crazy week for us because we were running back and forth from town with kids in summer theatre camp plus we had company.
As I told my daughter after we first picked her out, she doesn't fill the hole that Baka left in our hearts. She just helps our hearts fill with more love.
Now if we can just get her potty trained! And to quit jumping on us, Knocking Bunny down, Biting, Oh those teeth are sharp!
The past few months, no the past six months... The past year.... The past two years?... Well, however long it's been, it's been the hardest point I'm my life.
I haven't been able to share much. I haven't been able to pull myself out and just talk about the ranch, the season, the fun summer activities we've been having.
But with every challenge life throws our way, there is lots of wonderful opportunity to grow, to see things from a new perspective, and to develop better relationships with the ones we are traveling with.
Something's are still too raw to share. But I will try to share some of what has changed this summer for the ranch family. In time.
After all, that's why I started this blog in the first place. To work out some of my sorrows. Again, more on that later.
For now, thanks for hanging in there with me.